Last night was very restless for me. I have developed a tingling sensation in my lips - wow! does that ever keep a person awake. It is sometimes even in the tip of my tongue. I wonder if it is due to being so hyperthyroid that I'm having a calcium deficiency or something. Also my throat is feeling strange, not quite scratchy like I'm getting sick, and not quite sore - just sort of tingly.
I've been reading past entries from over 10 years ago until now and I've found that I seem to have a running problem with kindness, or rather anger instead of kindness. I probably should have never married and instead become some sort of spokesperson for a cause who knits afghans when she isn't harping on something or someone. I guess Mondays in winter are good days for pity parties.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Bad, bad food day - even though I fasted for Tyler. After 4:30, I had 4 pancakes, 1 egg, juice, 1 sausage, 4 pieces of bacon, 2 brownies (small), 1 scoop of ice cream, and 3 no-bake cookies.
Church was very nice, it was the first time I watched Russell pass the bread and water. It's amazing to me that he has already reached this milestone.
We read from the family journals about the funny things the kids did and said. It made me realize how important it is to record those moments and that i need to practice my handwriting even more.
We made brownies and took them over to my mom and dad's to share, then we took the rest down to Grandma B's and visited with them (my cousin Randy was there too).
We had a family tickle on our bed and everyone ganged up on B~ and then Spielberg. It was fun. Afterwards Nicole asked B~ "Is it sweaty in here?" When he said yes she turned on the fan.
While we were driving to my mom's i asked the kids what they wanted to be/do when they're older.
Nicole: First of all I want to take care of my kids when I have them. (and after further prodding from Spielberg and Michelle) she said she wanted to be an artist. She later added that she wants to work at a place like where Spielberg gets his haircut.
Michelle: Teacher, dentist helper
Spielberg: I'm going to own my own business. I want to be CEO of a company similar to Walt Disney I'm going to be a director and run a theme park based on my comics, write comics, make movies, etc. He also has a back-up plan in case he changes his mind.
Church was very nice, it was the first time I watched Russell pass the bread and water. It's amazing to me that he has already reached this milestone.
We read from the family journals about the funny things the kids did and said. It made me realize how important it is to record those moments and that i need to practice my handwriting even more.
We made brownies and took them over to my mom and dad's to share, then we took the rest down to Grandma B's and visited with them (my cousin Randy was there too).
We had a family tickle on our bed and everyone ganged up on B~ and then Spielberg. It was fun. Afterwards Nicole asked B~ "Is it sweaty in here?" When he said yes she turned on the fan.
While we were driving to my mom's i asked the kids what they wanted to be/do when they're older.
Nicole: First of all I want to take care of my kids when I have them. (and after further prodding from Spielberg and Michelle) she said she wanted to be an artist. She later added that she wants to work at a place like where Spielberg gets his haircut.
Michelle: Teacher, dentist helper
Spielberg: I'm going to own my own business. I want to be CEO of a company similar to Walt Disney I'm going to be a director and run a theme park based on my comics, write comics, make movies, etc. He also has a back-up plan in case he changes his mind.
February 3, 2007
There are some days that I am hardly aware of what exists outside the walls of my home and then there are those that shock you back into life. We watched the movie "Freedom Writers" about Los Angeles High School students after the Rodney King riots and a teacher named Erin Gruwell who made a difference. Many of her students were the first in their families to graduate from high school. She taught them to see their real worth and not to accept the message the world was giving them. It was very inspirational. I realize how much I take my personal safety and a loving family for granted. Many people never have either of those.
Nicole is really struggling now - there aren't many girls her age to play with and Michelle is always off with B~ or C~. I feel the girls need more time together, but I don't want to force it. I was going to put them in different rooms, but it won't bring them closer.
Tyler had a pretty good day, we were able to distract him when he was feeling nauseous. He has been moaning though. More of his hair is falling out, but he still has gorgeous hair. He's developed two more mouth sores and his gums aren't looking so good.
Spielberg and B~ (friend) and W~ tried to have a board game party, which turned into watching old family videos and seeing Spielberg being so darling. I love when he tried to get into a magazine picture of trains by pushing the top of his head onto the page. He kept saying "get in there".
Ellie was downstairs with Jess and tripped, falling onto the corner of the dollhouse. It left her a lovely bruise and a couple of scratches. I told her, "Let's go take a shower." She began trying to take off her pajamas and when she did - she took them to the laundry hamper. Hopefully this is an indicator that she will grow up neat and tidy. Maybe she inherited the neat gene from her dad. It's certain no one else did.
(What follows next is a huge, rambling analysis of The Virginian and the parts that bug me, especially the chapter about the hen Em'ly. I know it is meant to be a parable, but I am sure my interpretation was wrong).
Nicole is really struggling now - there aren't many girls her age to play with and Michelle is always off with B~ or C~. I feel the girls need more time together, but I don't want to force it. I was going to put them in different rooms, but it won't bring them closer.
Tyler had a pretty good day, we were able to distract him when he was feeling nauseous. He has been moaning though. More of his hair is falling out, but he still has gorgeous hair. He's developed two more mouth sores and his gums aren't looking so good.
Spielberg and B~ (friend) and W~ tried to have a board game party, which turned into watching old family videos and seeing Spielberg being so darling. I love when he tried to get into a magazine picture of trains by pushing the top of his head onto the page. He kept saying "get in there".
Ellie was downstairs with Jess and tripped, falling onto the corner of the dollhouse. It left her a lovely bruise and a couple of scratches. I told her, "Let's go take a shower." She began trying to take off her pajamas and when she did - she took them to the laundry hamper. Hopefully this is an indicator that she will grow up neat and tidy. Maybe she inherited the neat gene from her dad. It's certain no one else did.
(What follows next is a huge, rambling analysis of The Virginian and the parts that bug me, especially the chapter about the hen Em'ly. I know it is meant to be a parable, but I am sure my interpretation was wrong).
February 2, 2007
Ellie discovered what poop is. She had her jammies off and I was changing Tyler. She reached in the back of her diaper and I heard Nicole scream, "Mom, Ellie's poopy and it's all over her hand." I ran and grabbed her, but by then it was on her face, torso, arms and wow did it ever smell! I put her in the tub, used a bunch of wipes and soaped her into a full lather. I can't say she enjoyed it though.
Nicole and K~ were in the upstairs closet. There's a lam in there since the builder forgot to put in a light fixture. K~ was reaching to turn it off and it fell down and broke the fluorescent bulb. I handled it okay, but I wish I would've done it better and said, I'll bet it was scary when the lamp fell - let's get the vacuum and clean it up.
Michelle had her dance thing and I think she found out how difficult it can be to coordinate a dance routine.
Spielberg had his science fair and did a nice job of demoing his project. He and B~ (friend) tried doing a stop-gap film together, but it wasn't B~'s idea of a good time and they argued. B~ thought it would funny to film his foot instead - that didn't go over well with Spielberg. They ended up playing Woolly Bully instead.
Ty's PT and teacher came today. E~ was sick. We got out the side layer and he didn't seem to mind being on his side too much. He already looks like he isn't feeling well and his hair is starting to thin faster. I did a lot of insurance calls today. I spent 2-3 hours on the phone and still have 3 bills to straighten out.
Nicole and K~ were in the upstairs closet. There's a lam in there since the builder forgot to put in a light fixture. K~ was reaching to turn it off and it fell down and broke the fluorescent bulb. I handled it okay, but I wish I would've done it better and said, I'll bet it was scary when the lamp fell - let's get the vacuum and clean it up.
Michelle had her dance thing and I think she found out how difficult it can be to coordinate a dance routine.
Spielberg had his science fair and did a nice job of demoing his project. He and B~ (friend) tried doing a stop-gap film together, but it wasn't B~'s idea of a good time and they argued. B~ thought it would funny to film his foot instead - that didn't go over well with Spielberg. They ended up playing Woolly Bully instead.
Ty's PT and teacher came today. E~ was sick. We got out the side layer and he didn't seem to mind being on his side too much. He already looks like he isn't feeling well and his hair is starting to thin faster. I did a lot of insurance calls today. I spent 2-3 hours on the phone and still have 3 bills to straighten out.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
February 1, 2007
What a very long day. Chemo days always are. The y decided to do Ty's CT scan today. We had some good news - they've decided it's only slightly bigger this time. The necrosis (old blood) in the middle of the tumor hasn't gotten any bigger though. It may be that the chemo is working. The barium made Tyler really sick- he tried to vomit every time we put it in his gtube. They also said that although they are not symmetrical his kidneys look to be the same size. That's a good thing. My mom went this time. We always have interesting conversations. I wonder if it's hard to watch your daughter and her son go through medical trials? Do you still have the same wish to exchange places and bear her burden or his? Or, do you think, "Been there, done that and good wishes" while thinking so glad it isn't me? I have a feeling that ache a mother has when her child is going through a tough time never stops coming, although part of you know it needs to be.
Food today:
3 egg whites omelet & 1/2 grapefruit
2 slices whole wheat toast, 2 T strawberry jam
1 string cheese
10 potato chips and 7 Doritos ( we were at the hospital for 7 hours and the cafeteria was closed)
1 60 calorie yogurt
2 servings spaghetti & 1/2 slice whole wheat bread
lots of water and one no-bake cookie
Maybe a better food day tomorrow, maybe some weight loss?
I held Ty so long today that my femur was aching all the way home. But I have no right to complain - my hair isn't falling out, I don't have constant nausea, and I have perfect blood pressure - not to mention the abilities I have to run, skip, walk, jump, dance crazy and silly, read what I want, speak what I want, go where I want, play the piano, sew, knit write, open doors, play games, have friends, drink and eat what I like (except at Olive Garden) and a whole lot of other things - I'd run out of room if I write them all. Praise the Lord - chemo might work!
Food today:
3 egg whites omelet & 1/2 grapefruit
2 slices whole wheat toast, 2 T strawberry jam
1 string cheese
10 potato chips and 7 Doritos ( we were at the hospital for 7 hours and the cafeteria was closed)
1 60 calorie yogurt
2 servings spaghetti & 1/2 slice whole wheat bread
lots of water and one no-bake cookie
Maybe a better food day tomorrow, maybe some weight loss?
I held Ty so long today that my femur was aching all the way home. But I have no right to complain - my hair isn't falling out, I don't have constant nausea, and I have perfect blood pressure - not to mention the abilities I have to run, skip, walk, jump, dance crazy and silly, read what I want, speak what I want, go where I want, play the piano, sew, knit write, open doors, play games, have friends, drink and eat what I like (except at Olive Garden) and a whole lot of other things - I'd run out of room if I write them all. Praise the Lord - chemo might work!
January 31, 2007
Ellie started something new - she backs into the pantry and tries to pull the door closed as much as she can. Then she starts to giggle. Then I say, "Has anyone seen Ellie? Where's Ellie?" More laughter from the pantry and then she finally peeks out from behind the door and says "Boo!" or something that sounds like it but isn't quite, "There she is!" I think we played it ten or more times. She has also begun exploring the other cupboards - stacking and nesting various items and then putting them back.
Nicole had gymnastics and did a beautiful front walk-over. Her back walkover is almost there. She is trying to build up her tummy muscles for a longer headstand/handstand.
Michelle decided on the bright colors from a quilt I made a couple years ago-my 50s retro kitchen quilt. It reminds my mom of her mother's aprons. She is deciding what size her squares will be and how many she needs as well as designing it.
Spielberg went to Knights of Freedom and showed his Lego animation film. He finished assembling his Science Fair display board and will give a short presentation in class tomorrow. I'm really very proud of him for seeing it through. Although I wish it wasn't always the 11th hour when he decides to do so.
Hooray? Maybe Ty's tumor didn't grow again this week. I guess we will find out next Thursday what's going on in there. He was still very nauseous today and is starting to get a lot of air in his stomach. He is also seeming to startle for no apparent reason. He did the sign that we are trying to get him to use for when he wants us to hold him - so to reinforce it, I did it with him and said, "Tyler, you want me to hold you," and then I held him on my lap on the couch and gently rocked him. I was rewarded with big smiles.
Wow! I think I have now written for more consecutive days than I have before - I've also practiced piano daily for 3 weeks now.
Nicole had gymnastics and did a beautiful front walk-over. Her back walkover is almost there. She is trying to build up her tummy muscles for a longer headstand/handstand.
Michelle decided on the bright colors from a quilt I made a couple years ago-my 50s retro kitchen quilt. It reminds my mom of her mother's aprons. She is deciding what size her squares will be and how many she needs as well as designing it.
Spielberg went to Knights of Freedom and showed his Lego animation film. He finished assembling his Science Fair display board and will give a short presentation in class tomorrow. I'm really very proud of him for seeing it through. Although I wish it wasn't always the 11th hour when he decides to do so.
Hooray? Maybe Ty's tumor didn't grow again this week. I guess we will find out next Thursday what's going on in there. He was still very nauseous today and is starting to get a lot of air in his stomach. He is also seeming to startle for no apparent reason. He did the sign that we are trying to get him to use for when he wants us to hold him - so to reinforce it, I did it with him and said, "Tyler, you want me to hold you," and then I held him on my lap on the couch and gently rocked him. I was rewarded with big smiles.
Wow! I think I have now written for more consecutive days than I have before - I've also practiced piano daily for 3 weeks now.
January 30, 2007
Yet another new pen - I think I love medium points, they somehow feel more substantial - as if you are saying things and not just whispering them.
We had a class today and I shared two examples of people who have had a hand in passing legislation - one of whom was a 12 year old blind boy. He got a law passed that provides braille ballots to the blind so that their votes would be private. We also talked about the State of the Union address and the President's call for openness and honesty with earmarks. (these are appropriations that get added onto bills via committee meeting reports). They learned how a bill becomes a law. They also tried their hand at Parliamentary Procedure. These kids are great and I really enjoy them!
Spielberg continued working on his Science Fair project - last minute, unfortunately.
M~ is sick and will be unable to come tomorrow and be with Ty while I run Spielberg and Nicole around. I think Wendy will come through. I don't dare leave him with Michelle because he has been so nauseous this time. (4x today)
Michelle and Nicole worked on making recipe cards today. I will try to find recipe binders for them to begin their own cookbooks with. Michelle has come up with an idea for a dance/exercise fun group for kids 3-8 I tell you, she was born teaching. I love to see her excitement for working with kids. At bedtime, she asked if we could work on making a new blanket for her (she threw up on hers and it was so ragged that I had to throw it out).
I put shoes on Ellie and she immediately went to the door and waved "bye-bye". She kept doing it so after class I tool her shopping with me. Next time I'll just take her for a walk - shopping is too hard with a baby.
I said goodbye to sugar today - it was hard and will probably get harder before too long.
We had a class today and I shared two examples of people who have had a hand in passing legislation - one of whom was a 12 year old blind boy. He got a law passed that provides braille ballots to the blind so that their votes would be private. We also talked about the State of the Union address and the President's call for openness and honesty with earmarks. (these are appropriations that get added onto bills via committee meeting reports). They learned how a bill becomes a law. They also tried their hand at Parliamentary Procedure. These kids are great and I really enjoy them!
Spielberg continued working on his Science Fair project - last minute, unfortunately.
M~ is sick and will be unable to come tomorrow and be with Ty while I run Spielberg and Nicole around. I think Wendy will come through. I don't dare leave him with Michelle because he has been so nauseous this time. (4x today)
Michelle and Nicole worked on making recipe cards today. I will try to find recipe binders for them to begin their own cookbooks with. Michelle has come up with an idea for a dance/exercise fun group for kids 3-8 I tell you, she was born teaching. I love to see her excitement for working with kids. At bedtime, she asked if we could work on making a new blanket for her (she threw up on hers and it was so ragged that I had to throw it out).
I put shoes on Ellie and she immediately went to the door and waved "bye-bye". She kept doing it so after class I tool her shopping with me. Next time I'll just take her for a walk - shopping is too hard with a baby.
I said goodbye to sugar today - it was hard and will probably get harder before too long.
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